the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
