i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
