I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
