Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
