Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
