If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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