Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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