It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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