He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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