Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
