a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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