he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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