I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize