so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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