I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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