I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
