The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
