I didn't shave. On purpose
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
