I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize