i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
being pregnant is like rehab
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
