Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
