One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
