he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
