does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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