New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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