Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
