My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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