dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
