Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Too much gin, very little bucket
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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