well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize