Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize