youre lurking in front of me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
