Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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