i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
