You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
