So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
