Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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