Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
