I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
