My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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