you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
