One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
