Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
