Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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