I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
