I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
