You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
