i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize