my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
