I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
