and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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