Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
