They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
