today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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