Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
