My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
