just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
