This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
