Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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