A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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