if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
