Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You are the jesus of drinking
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
