Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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