Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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