I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
