is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
