Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
