Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
