I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
