Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
