So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
