cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
