at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
