I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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