Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
