So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
