dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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