all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
