The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
