Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
