i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
porn star boner night. come get it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize