i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
